Stress. We all deal with it. Whether it be our jobs, family life, drama with friends, a relationship problem, or finances, stress is there. While a little stress is probably good for you, it's the excess that does the harm. But there are ways of relieving it or destressing.
Steps
Help Relieving Stress
Quick Stress Relief
Feeling like stress is about to sink you, right now? Try this approach for rapid relief:
- Breathe deeply and calmly. Sit down somewhere peaceful and take deep breaths over at least five minutes. Every time your mind wanders, return it to focusing only on the deep breaths. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, repeat this until you feel calmer.
- Smile. Your body has a ready-made fix-it solution for when you feel overwrought and it is as simple as changing your physiology. The smile is the simplest way to do this. Plaster on a fake grin and keep it there for a few minutes. You'll feel your mood begin to upturn with your grin.
- Sit up straight, push your shoulders back or stand tall. Realigning your posture into a positive mode will help to decrease stress. Look up instead of curling your chin and face downward.
- Change your expression. As well as grinning, also think about smiling with your eyes and presenting a lighter facial expression.
- Visualize. You are stressing right now because you're focusing on the problem. Focus on resolving it instead. Think about how things will be when it is completed/fixed/stored away/whatever. Try to "float" through the current problem, telling yourself it is a temporary hitch or issue that will be resolved.
- Exercise. Leave your desk, couch or bed and get out there. Go for a run, a swim, a circuit in the gym. Do whatever gets you moving and out of the sitting and contemplating position. The beauty of exercise is that it gets your adrenalin moving for something positive instead of chewing over worries and you can still think about things, probably all the more clearly!
- Organize. In a mess? Start tidying it in small amounts. Move one little pile of papers, open one bill or wipe down one bench. You can start, you don't need to finish. But remember, it's getting started that matters above all and the motivation will sprout from that tiny beginning.
- Breathe. Return to deep breathing in a calm spot whenever you feel overwhelmed again.
Understanding Stress Relief Methods
The quick-fix methods above all have reasons behind them, which are explored a little further in this section.
- Stop shallow breathing. Taking a deep breath is an immediate defense against stress. If you can get in the habit of realizing your stress level rising and take a deep breath every time you feel stress beginning to take hold, this will slow down everything within and helps to put a stopper on your flight or fight adrenalin rush.
- Sighing is not breathing. It is a surrender to feeling overwhelmed, or a passive aggressive nudge to someone else that you've had it but you're not prepared to express that more clearly. Deep breathing is about stopping what you're doing, finding somewhere away from the hubbub and self-calming in a regulated and self-caring manner.
- Talk about your feelings or express yourself. Much stress arises because of a tendency to shoulder responsibilities, burdens and heavy workloads without discussing the consequences or feelings that arise from this weight. Important outlets for relieving this build-up of internal tension include:
- Talking to others. Whether you talk to a friend or talk to yourself, getting concerns off your mind will help a lot.
- Writing it down. If you don't feel like talking about it, write it down. Keep a journal and write down whatever it is that's bothering you. Writing is a therapy of its own. Indeed, for many, a journal is a great way to document how you are thriving or declining mentally over the years and enables you to pick up errors in your thinking.
- Laugh more often. As we age, we tend to laugh less and get caught up in taking things a little too seriously, ourselves included. Take a leaf from the carefree and unrestrained laughter of childhood, in which laughter is genuine, spontaneous and frequent. As an adult, you may not feel like laughing, but rest assured that even forced laughter can help as a nudge to feeling better and will soon change into genuine laughter, the more you practice it. Ways to get your jollies up include:
- Crack some jokes. Find genuinely funny jokes, practice them, then share them. The internet exists now, so no excuse for not finding genuinely funny, harmless jokes.
- Do your goofiest impression. Something going wrong? Represent your frustration by contorting your face as crazily as you possibly can. Think of a cartoon character, then go for it.
- Watch funny stuff. Invite friends and grumpy coworkers over to watch it with you. Have everyone in stitches by the end of the comedy fest.
- Look backwards. In your mind's eye, go to this time tomorrow, next week or next year and look back. Is what is happening now worth the stress? What's funny about it in hindsight? See your future self retelling this episode to friends.
- Use your common sense of proportion. Obviously not everything is funny but equally, don't take everything too seriously.
- Use fitness as a stress reliever. Perhaps your health and appearance are stressing you out, but even if they're not an issue, being physically fit can directly help relieve stress, which exists on both a mental and a physical level. Sometimes there's nothing like a long run, an intense yoga session, or a fresh swim after a stressful day to help you feel relaxed and stress-free again. Also, exercise releases endorphins; a feel good hormone.
- Be better organized. For the most part, stress arises from feeling overwhelmed. Use a planner to keep track of your "to do lists". There's just too much to do, and not enough time to do it. Being organized and getting your priorities straight can help you break responsibilities down into manageable pieces and focus on the things that really matter to you, rather than getting caught up in details and creating extra work for yourself--all of which leads to more stress.
Other Ways to Relieve Stress
Besides the useful ways outlined above for relieving stress, there are numerous other approaches that can help minimize the impact of stressful situations. Just a few are presented here:
- Soothe the senses. Invoking all of your senses in relaxing, uplifting ways can help calm your soul and relieve stress. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Light a scented candle that has a calming fragrance like lavender.
- Listen to your favorite, most relaxing music or, better yet, go somewhere that you can listen to wind rustle through trees or waves crash on the beach.
- Enjoy the scenery, whether you're outdoors or viewing an art exhibit.
- Drink some warm tea or taste--really taste--some dark chocolate.
- Treat yourself by getting a massage or, if you want to be alone, take a bath (bubbles are recommended)
- Be aware that you always have a choice. You have a choice to be worried or a choice to not worry––either way, things won't change unless you actively do something. Worry never changes a thing! You also have choices about how you react to situations, how you interact with people and how you live your life. While it may feel as if you don't have many choices, often this is a false perspective. Break down your current situation into smaller pieces and work out how you can make beneficial changes to your life that are based on your choices rather than on living up to other people's demands.
- Learn to say no. You cannot do everything you are asked, so why keep pretending that you can. Being lovely, nice or helpful doesn't rest on never saying no! Indeed, the more you promise and don't deliver, the less people will perceive you as being nice; rather, they'll consider your supposed largesse a nuisance, knowing that you'll drop the balls at the last minute. Instead, be assertive and learn to say no politely but firmly and always when you know there isn't a chance at all that you'll get the thing done.
- Learn how to delegate. As with trying to be all things to all people by never saying no, never delegating is about you trying to have control and not trusting that others can do their job as well as you can (be it laying the table, washing the whites or staging a corporate takeover). Learn to let go by giving more credence to the abilities of others. And yes, expect a few stuff-ups but have faith in other people to deliver on most things you ask of them. If you're a perfectionist, it's probably right that you can do some things better but learn which battles to fight and which to leave, especially those where "near enough" will do. This way, you'll find more time to do what you really are about and less stress as a result.
- Surround yourself by people who can do things better than you. Don't be threatened by this; instead, use it to get rid of the worry they'll stuff up and to give yourself more space to pursue the things you're really good at doing instead!
- Be thankful. Gratitude does wonders for your state of mind. Notice what you have rather than what you're missing and notice the good that others do around you instead of all their faults. Notice your own good too.
- Say sorry and accept responsibility. If you need to apologize to someone, and doing so will not make the situation worse, find a way to do so. More importantly, learn to forgive, particularly to forgive yourself. Guilt adds pain to stress. And accept responsibility instead of seeking to spread blame. Stress usually results from holding grudges against others long term; this hurts you, not them.
- Try rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). This teaches that it is not what happens to you, but what you believe about what happens to you that makes you stressed and depressed (Ellis, 1975). You can do a lot to get rid of these feelings on your own by finding the irrational ideas which produce them, and debating with yourself until you have cast them out. Here is Ellis's list of potential culprits; if you have any of these thoughts floating around your mind, challenge them to help bring about a sense of peace:
- I must be perfect in all respects in order to be worthwhile.
- I must be loved and approved of by everyone who is important to me.
- When people treat me unfairly, it is because they are bad people.
- It is terrible when I am seriously frustrated, treated badly, or rejected.
- Misery comes from outside forces which I can't do very much to change.
- If something is dangerous or fearful, I have to worry about it.
- It is not easier to avoid life's difficulties and responsibilities,than to face them.
- Because things in my past controlled my life, they have to keep doing so now and in the future.
- It is terrible when things do not work out exactly as I want them to.
- I can be as happy as possible by just doing nothing and enjoying myself, taking life as it comes.
- Do nothing. That's right, folks, do nothing at all. Close the door, open the window, have a seat, and take a little break from life. If your mind is racing, learn to meditate and just let that stress go. Put aside that puritanical nonsense that idle minds do the devil's work; maybe that was an issue before machines and large-scale agriculture but these days, everyone is doing too much and not enough of too little. And remember, it's okay for you––and your kids––to be bored sometimes. Boredom often gives birth to vivid imaginations and vivid imaginations give birth to ideas that change the world.
- Listen to music. Listening to music does wonders and is a great way to relieve stress. Just be sure to sidestep songs that will make you feel worse, like the songs about giving up and fading away. Instead, listen to good songs that put you in a happy mood. Music is a significant mood-changer and reliever of stress.
- Ocean sounds tend to simulate calmness and serenity so, listening to a sound machine while lying down could help.
- Drink plenty of water. If you're dehydrated that can lead to headaches, which just adds to the stress. So relax and get a cup of water. Or a nice herbal tea. Whatever relaxes you and leaves you feeling better.
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