How to Be Cool -

Have you always wanted to be the cool guy, who always seems to do the right thing? Or are you yearning to be the cool girl, who flows through life with ease and grace? If you think about all the people who you think of as cool, you'll find that they have several characteristics in common: they're all confident, unique, and on friendly terms with everyone. There's no reason you can't be like that yourself. There is really no true universal definition on how to be cool, but here are some guidelines to get you started.

Edit Steps

Self-Awareness

Be aware of how others will perceive you. There's a difference in letting people's judgments affect your self esteem, and being aware of how you come off to others. What you are really doing is being aware of how you look from another person's perspective. In terms of physical appearance: beware of food getting stuck in your teeth, bad breath, body odor, toilet paper stuck to your shoe, etc. In terms of composure; be smiley, stand/sit up straight (it makes you look and feel more confident), smile generously, be polite and considerate, etc. Definitely be aware of your body language at all times; analyzing body language can be a useful tool in knowing how to present yourself.

Don't be needy. Remember cool people are not needy or desperate, unwaveringly. Instead try to solve problems yourself. If you are not needy people will want to help you or will ask for your help. This quality attracts people. Neediness is a big turn off don't do it or end of story.

Be Yourself

Be yourself. It will be something that other people will look up to. You are unique, and you don't need to join a clique. Make your own friendships. Being cool is being yourself in an outgoing way, even if you are quiet but not sullen and passive/aggressive. Don't try to be like anyone else. Live life for who you are. Don't lose sight of yourself or your morals. Being cool isn't about changing who you are, its about being confident enough to let people see how awesome you really are.

Relax. Seriously. Constantly telling yourself that you're crap at socializing creates anxieties that play on your mind the next time you converse with someone. You then focus on said anxieties, and the whole thing becomes one big cycle of self-fulfillment.^[1]

Practice self disclosure. The more you disclose yourself the better you understand yourself. Self-disclosure is both the conscious and subconscious act of revealing more about oneself to others. This may include, but is not limited to, thoughts,feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, dreams as well as one's likes, dislikes, and favorites.

Remember that people are your equals. Even a group of people is equal to you. If you're talking to a potential employer, a group of wealthy donors, a child, a stranger, the president of the United States, or an attractive guy or girl, for example, remember they are neither better than you or worse than you are. They should be treated as you should be treated. Be respectful of other people, but expect that they will accept you as such. When someone is disrespectful to you, ignore them until they figure it out. Not as if you didn't hear your antagonist, but casually and conversationally disregard their remarks. There is a reason that they didn't show respect towards you or the person didn't do what you asked of them. It may be because they are unhappy, someone hurt them recently, you were disrespectful towards them, or because they were never taught the correct way to act around people. But always know it is for a reason, be willing to find out what the reason is as long as you want them to respect you.

Present Yourself

Present yourself in a positive way. Walk with good posture and look people in the eye. If you slump or stare at your feet, people won't respect you. You have to look and feel confident in order to receive the respect you need. Don't walk too fast either because it looks like you are running away.
- Smile. Be a habitual, unrepentant over-smiler, with every grin being a genuine one. If you smile when you meet someone, you instantly appear confident, friendly and relaxed. Confident, friendly, relaxed people are much more appealing than their uptight compadres.

Be fit! Most people at school who get picked on are usually either fat or they smell gross, so run and keep in good shape. Eat healthy too. Know that you will never be able to please everyone. Try hard, but don't be so concerned with judging yourself or being judged by others. People have millions of ways to get under your skin. Learn to spot them and become immune. Be happy with yourself and do what you enjoy.

Practice decent hygiene. Be sure to brush your teeth every morning and every night. And whenever you can, even after lunch. Wear perfume (if you're a girl) and spray on a bit, just a bit of cologne (if you're a boy). Shower every day [strictly important] and wear deodorant(optional). Also use lotion so that your skin is not like ash and a good idea is to wear chap stick.You should wash your face every morning to keep fresh and pimple free.

Be An Individual

Understand that some people won’t get it. While it feels amazing to dazzle people with your quick wit, sometimes you will meet someone who just doesn’t get you. They’ll look at you quizzically and ask you to clarify what you thought was a cuttingly observant pop-culture reference. Doesn’t matter. What’s fascinating about humans is that they are so diverse. Senses of humor vary wildly. If you’re getting blank looks, just be polite, excuse yourself, and chronicle any embarrassments later in a stand-up comedy routine.^[2]

Don’t just think about it — do it. It’s all very well to read books and blogs about self-improvement, but you have to actually get out there and apply the theories that resonate with you. Do it! It’s scary but so, so invigorating. Who knows who you’ll meet and what they might be able to offer you? (Fun, intellectual stimulation, a pony ride, a job…)^[3]

Trust your friends. There’s a reason they hang around you. The personality traits you despise in yourself may be the very quirks they find endearing. Let them decide instead of presenting an incomplete version of yourself to the world.^[4]

Don't be afraid to be different. Whether that means standing up for yourself, defending someone else, or taking interest in something that no one else does, like playing an instrument, try to be different and stand out. The coolest people are the ones who occasionally break against the tide and make people question the status quo. Insecure people will, at times, become jealous of you. These people will try to get to you, in an attempt to take the attention off of you and bestow it upon themselves. The important thing to remember is not to smile in weakness, just ignore them. Not as if you didn't hear your antagonist, but casually and conversationally disregard their remarks.

Speak up. Observe people who are "cool"; they usually speak confidently and clearly, at a good pace. They don't chatter rapidly, pause, say uh, um..., or mumble. They say what they mean, and mean what they say. Be confident in your word and don't let anyone try to change it. If you state your opinion and people disagree, don't worry. You said what you felt and people will respect you for that, unless you say it knowing it will offend someone. However, make it count. Don't shout out your opinion just to be heard. Make sure it's relevant, and be ready to back it up soundly.

Be friendly, but not excessively eager. Everyone loves someone who is outgoing, but nobody likes someone who is overly excited. Many people find someone who is overeager to be annoying. Try not to force yourself on people. Smile and strike up a conversation, but make sure you know the line between friendly and obsessive.

Be a good conversationalist. Everyone loves someone who knows what to say at the right moment. Don't dominate the conversation. You don't need to share a similar story at every setting. Just listen and comment briefly on the other person's story. Most of the time, it is much better to be sort of quiet and analyze the conversation, enjoying the humor of your friends and being a good listener. Most people want to talk about themselves. If you keep the conversation concentrated on others, then people will love to talk to you. Then wait for the right moment to make a comment, usually to great result. However, if you come up into the middle of a quiet group of people, it is better to take a Tony Stark approach. Be playful! Joke around with them. Making fun of people is fine, but make sure that you know the limits on it and that the people you're around are the kind of people who know you're kidding.

Refrain from using too many colloquialisms. This may make you appear as "fake" or unable to grasp your respected language. Speak normally, clearly and confidently (see #6) and if you feel it is necessary adopt a more formal register and use polysyllabic words. However do not go overboard as this may make you appear pretentious, this being just as bad as seeming fake. Finding the right balance in your speech is important to making you seem intelligent and somewhat sophisticated in the presence of your peers.

Use humor. Cool people always use humor and ease in any situation. They don`t get annoyed and angry, and no matter how many bad things happen to them they don't take it too harshly; they make jokes about it. They have excellent emotional awareness and they don't let bad emotion affect them, they have awesome emotional control and understanding.
- Learn how to laugh at yourself. Being cool doesn't mean being perfect, and being able to find humor in your moments of clumsiness and discomfort is the defining hallmark of being cool. People will not only respect you for it, but they'll like you for being human, just like them.

Look Cool

Look cool; it's a science. To look cool, non-phased by opinions, you have to not be stuck up visually but be right mentally. You have to be smart, but not a smartypants (making others feel bad about themselves), strong and quick but not scornful of those less skilled. When someone brags they lose coolness... don't brag. It's simple.If you don't think you're smart or don't feel smart, try to think why you think/feel that way. Stop comparing yourself to others, and try studying to get smarter.

Dress how you want. As long as your personality shines through, you can wear whatever you like. Guys have been known to get girlfriends even though they wear sweats all the time. Some of the dorkiest, "uncool" guys are known to get girlfriends because everyone has a different perception of cool. That is definitely an affirmation of coolness. Being cool despite wearing something people generally make fun of.

Keep Your Cool

Keep your "cool". The very definition of cool is being calm, composed, under control, not excited, indifferent, and socially adept. Many times, cool people are those that don't get excited about things, that don't always have to talk, unless they have something cool to say. Learn how to deal with people. Don't get angry or frustrated. Being cool is natural. It's easy to do. Often times, the people who strive the hardest for coolness are sabotaging themselves by trying too hard. People like people that don't try, but are still successful. How does that work? One of the secrets of being cool is that, when one is just between trying and not trying at all, things just fall into place. Be confident.
- Write a list of all the goals you are aiming for. What essentially makes you cool is your identity. Try to find your talent - sports, music, art, whatever. People will notice your passion and respect you for it. You can also learn new skills and meet new people by trying new things.
- Take a deep breath. Being cool is all about being relaxed and comfortable in any circumstance. Don't lose your cool. If you feel yourself about to lose your temper, or burst into tears, or lose control in any way, take a deep breath and excuse yourself. Stay calm.

Bad Behavior is Not Cool

Don't use bad behavior to get attention. There are many young people that take up smoking, drinking, bullying, and other bad habits. Most often, this comes from negative reinforcement. After doing something bad, a person may be "rewarded" with attention. "I can't believe he did that!", people will say. It is easy to misinterpret attention as popularity, even if it's for doing something wrong. If you want to be cool, you need to know your limits. You should never substitute negative attention for really being cool. Most of the time, the people who have bragging competitions about law-breaking and bonging beer do not fit into the category of cool. If a group of people doesn't like you for who you are and the lifestyle you've chosen, move on.
- Don't do drugs. Real cool people know how to be cool without the influence of drugs and alcohol.
- Don't smoke- it won't make you cool- it will make you smell bad. Other smokers won't notice the bad smell because they smell the same way. When you smoke you will most likely hang out with other smokers, and this limits your selection of boyfriends and girlfriends because most non-smokers hate the smell of smoke and won't want to be around you. Don't judge smokers- just don't take up a habit you will eventually pay someone to help you quit.
- Never argue. When you're cool, arguing is always canceled. You realize winning an argument is pointless. When you know you're right you just know it. You don't need to waste time, effort and energy by attempting to persuade someone who hasn't seen the things you have seen.

Edit Tips

Remember to be calm and collected. This means don't get over excited, don't be annoyingly loud and don't be clingy.

Get out there. Do stuff. Be active. Join a club. Do something. The more you get out there instead of hanging around at home, the more you can socialize with people, and have fun.

Change your attitude - if you have a negative attitude change it. Cool people always have a positive attitude. No one likes a negative person. When people get to know you and see that you always have a positive look on things even when things are not going your way, they will enjoy your company.

Don't just wait for someone to ask you to hang out. They're waiting for you. Invite them over. And be prepared. Don't have them come over and you can't find anything to do. It's a real turn off for your friend, and they won't want to come back again.

Be respectful of others. Do not be argumentative and overbearing if you feel others are wrong. Everyone is entitled to his/her viewpoints no matter how varied they are.

Learn to read people and be patient when sharing an opinion. Understand that whatever you say to someone or give advice, that is just your opinion. They either accept it or reject it, there's no need to force them to understand. Just make sure you know what you're talking about.

Being vain to the extent of narcissism is not cool. But on the other hand, personal magnetism often uses humility and acceptance/agreement, appreciation, of mutual enthusiasm or joy over: a genre of music, a like belief (like a faith), self-denial and charismatic leadership.

Find a way to love learning. The coolest people do a lot of really cool things.

If being picked on is your worry, know and understand that showing yourself affected by it is precisely what separates the coolest from the others, and take this as a chance to actually be perceived as cool. Know that who you are in your core is not determined by others, especially if they don´t truly know you. Be happy with yourself as you are, since there is nothing really wrong with you in your core.

Edit Warnings

Don't base your coolness on making others seem uncool. You'll make more enemies than friends that way. People aren't going to worship someone who bosses or beats them around all the time. They'll be scared maybe, but they won't respect you.

Always stick up for people, and don't bully others, because to be cool means to be liked by everyone, including those who are not as socially high-ranking as yourself.